you hope to see a heart inside of me
you hope to find someone worth loving
untitled jan 30 2012 12:32am
a shiver and a thought/I wish I had someone to hold/to feel/you know the love I’m talking about/something deeper than the touch of skin/when I’m holding you I can feel everything/I can see 100 years dead set ahead of me/and I can paint vivid colours with my hands/and you know/you know
Untitled Jan 9 12
The rain rhythmically crashing into my windows/and my cat in my lap snoozing/is serenity at its finest/when accompanied with this apple/and Charles Bronson
untitled 1-1-12 1:08
and as the fireworks exploded in the foggy night sky I stood staring aimlessly into the air. It was the most beautiful skyline. I never felt more alone.
untitled dec. 7 2011
While you were dying/I was trying/to capture this moment/to capture the feeling/our adolescence and naïvety/lead us to mistakes/and trouble/but I hope that one day/we’ll look back/learn from our mistakes/carry on to better, brighter futures/maybe even find our own happy endings/but I still feel in my insides/that even with the dawn of the day/the only moment we have is now/and everything else is just fantasy/everything else was never ours
Aokigahara (The Sea of Trees) 11-23-11
an apparition guided by soft subtle hands/quietly immerse yourself in the sadness of a million dark rooms/and you’ll find the door that leads to the mossy green/a shadow cast over weary heads/whispering winds of the dead/creeping/quietly into our minds/so tell me what you’d like to see/disappear/cross the bridges/and explore the ruins/travel to the vast expanse/the memories of the lost/the ones lost during our travels/the ones lost to the bleak weary world/you never know when someone will leave you behind/sometimes the hardest part is saying goodbye/but sometimes you never get to say goodbye at all/spirits surround me/the bridge is floating in the water
scars. 11-18-11
and when i see you/i want to reach out and touch you/tangibly tangling limbs and swapping sacred secrets/awkward hand in awkward hand/the delicate dance of skin on skin/the visage of a pair in public/often though, I can feel giant wounds fresh on my face/freely bleeding and spewing out my wants and needs/and they prevent me from forming relationships like the one I had wished to share with you/and when the wounds bleed out onto everyone/covering them with nothing but shit and piss and worries/i’m left with no one to trust/because while we were sinking i’ve drowned them/for want of higher ground and companionship/i’ve stood on the platform of friend and lover/and with the rising tide they have gone away/drowned in my ocean of petty problems and paranoia.
untitled fall/winter(?) 2010
We were walking along side each other down the street. The sun was setting and gave me something to talk about that wasn’t unbearably awkward. “Do you ever look at the sun set and then just think about the past and everything,” I asked. “Why would I think about the past,” she said. “I don’t know, it’s just I see the sun set and I think of all the people whose lives I’ve been a part of. Of all the people I’ll probably never see again. I think about the way I still don’t have a car or a job and how I’m probably wasting my life and I just get that much sadder,” I looked down and stopped walking. I was just trying to stop time. I was trying to savor my last moments with you. I was trying so hard like I never even tried to before. And amongst all the silence and steadily dimming light all I heard was “you’re depressing.” I’m depressing. That’s all you gave me. So I walked. I walked through our lives a ghost. I walked through town 13 miles home and I layed on my bed and I didn’t even feel anything anymore. I didn’t even feel anything. I didn’t even feel.
stardust
man life is so vast/you can’t take in a single moment when your head is spinning and you wrap your thoughts wrap around your finger/ yet I look at you and your beauty goes on and on and on and the curves of your smile light up my face/my friends hug me and I feel their love/their warmth and deepest emotions thrust upon me/my feet on bike pedals as the night hugs me like an old friend and the wind kisses my face as I ride to meet you/a good meal after seeing some punk bands with friends/these are the things that make life worth living/This is the why I am able to sit back at night and take in everything around me/every moment alive/every moment full of you.
